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Best & Worst break up strategies

19 Nov

If you’ve come to a point in your relationship where there’s nothing but shouting and fighting and tears, I hate to break it to you, dude, but the fairy-tale is over. Start looking for a way out, and fast. Nothing good is going to come out of this, you know, right? Unless your chick gets bumped in the head and turns into someone else, literally I mean, like she gets amnesia or something. Because that’s what you need, someone else.

Now, you don’t want to look totally insensitive, this is not who you are. Just think, what if you want to hook up with one of her friends in the future?! I’m sure she’ll be going around, telling her side of the story. So you’ll have to be smart and act smart about it.

While I generally think that being straightforward is the way to go, women are totally unpredictable. You’ll never truly know what’s inside their heads, no matter what they say. Their minds work differently than ours and you don’t want to push the “crazy” button. I’d stay away from lines like:

! “Dear Baby: Welcome to Dumpsville. Population: YOU”
! “I just can’t take the bad sex anymore.”
! “The problem with our relationship is, we’re in a relationship.”
! “I get so emotional when you’re not around…That emotion is called happiness.”
! “I have a sense of community, and you won’t let me sleep with the community.”

They just won’t get the subtlety of all that. Keep it simple, don’t pull back, and don’t succumb to any kind of emotional blackmail, they tend to go there and you might feel guilty (or not!). Here’s how you dump her…nicely:

# “Honestly? It’s you not me, you’re just too perfect for someone else. He’s out there waiting and I’m in the way.” Leave out the “And I’m perfect for the girl on Facebook.” part.
# “I need to focus more on my job!”
# “I wish we had met 5 years down the line. It’s just bad timing.”
# “I’m not over my ex.” This will get them a little mad but will do the trick.

Or you could just send her this video and say “Especially for you”:

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Posted by on November 19, 2012 in College life, Relationships

 

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